I feel great
I just peed on a car
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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