I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
