Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
