He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
