is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
