Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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