I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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