This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
