when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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