No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
