is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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