I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize