Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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