Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
