Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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