No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
