I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I did not marry a roomba.
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