If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
