your thong is hanging out like whoa
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I currently don't understand fingers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
