Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
