If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
