Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
