oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
