Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
