Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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