I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
