so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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