My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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