I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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