Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
