The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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