this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
