there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
