Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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