That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
