Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My ass is underappreciated
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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