Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
