the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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