Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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