sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
