Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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