My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
