at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
