fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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