I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
