Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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