:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
