The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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