I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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