Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
