it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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