one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
