clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my poor anus
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
