i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize