I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
