So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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