i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
