The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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