yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was born a porn star she said
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
