I cockslap morals
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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