How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
