Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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