It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
only if we run a train.
done.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
