i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
And then he peed in my hair
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