Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
