I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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