I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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