Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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