my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
